Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 6

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Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 6 18

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Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 6

Larry David has got it all: a loving wife, good friends, and a successful career - what could possibly go wrong? Co-creator and executive producer of the long running hit series "Seinfeld", David tackles a new, but familiar, topic in his latest show - himself.

Shot cinema-verité style and mostly improvised, each half-hour episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" proves how the seemingly trivial details of day-to-day life - a trip to the movies, a phone call, holding an elevator - can precipitate a "Murphy's Law" chain of misfortune to hilarious effect.

Surrounded by an eclectic mix of real and fictional re-creations of his friends and enemies, prone to speaking the unspeakable and honest to the point of insensitivity, Larry David - like George Costanza in "Seinfeld" - is a walking victim of misunderstandings and missed opportunities.

Episode guide

  1. 01 - Meet The Blacks

    Larry and Cheryl are awakened by a loud beeping noise and, after trying to ignore it, hunt down the source: a smoke alarm in the kitchen. Larry has to yank the device out of the wall wires-and-all to disable the annoying sound. Later that day, after a slow round of golf with Jeff and Richard, the guys discuss the 7 Stroke rule(1), as well as the recent Hurricane Edna(2) tragedy. When the discussion turns to Ted and Mary's party that night, Larry worries about having skipped the Funkhouser party the night before, joking that he should drop by Marty Funkhouser's and pretend he thought his event was tonight as a way to excuse his absence.

    That night, on the way to Ted and Mary's, Cheryl tells Larry how upset she is about the Hurricane Edna victims and raises the possibility of adopting a family to stay with them. But Larry is too distracted by Shmohawks (3) to take her seriously. He insists they try his excuse out on the Funkhousers and a reluctant Cheryl gets dragged along. But the plan backfires when the Funkhousers insist that they stay: "You have no plans. You're supposed to be here and you're here." Unable to extract themselves, the evening gets longer when Jeff and Susie show up with the same excuse and the Funkhousers make them all stay for dinner. The only good thing about the evening is the amazing chocolate log cake (4) they serve for desert. While playing The Newlywed Game (5), Larry further pisses off Cheryl when he answers the question "If you could have sex with one of your friends' wives or girlfriends who would it be?" with "Cha Cha." Things get even more tense when Marty Funkhouser reveals he would only choose "My Little Poofer" (6).

    Cheryl is so angry that Larry has to agree to adopt a Hurricane Edna family to get back in her good graces. On their way to pick up the family from the airport, Larry insists they swing by Ted and Mary's to use the same excuse - that they thought the party was tonight - for having missed their party the night before. Once again, they are invited in to stay. "You have no plans. You're supposed to be here and you're here." This time Richard and Cha Cha show up to pull the same stunt and Larry takes him aside and chides him for stealing his excuse. Larry and Richard get into a fight about Larry naming Cha Cha in The Newlywed Game. When the fight escalates into a wrestling match over who should leave, Larry and Cheryl make a break for it.

    Arriving very late at the airport, there is one family sitting forlornly in the waiting area. Larry and Cheryl introduce themselves to the Black family: Auntie Rae, Loretta and her children Daryl and Keysha. Larry is impressed to meet the Black family, marveling at how it's like if he were named "Larry Jew" (7). Loretta is not so impressed with this coincidence.

    At home, Cheryl decides they should have a welcoming party for the Blacks. Larry grudgingly agrees. The party is a success until Jeff shows up with the same log cake (8) they'd been served at the Funkhouser's. The cake shocks the Black family and brings the party to a halt.

    Later that night, after Larry and Loretta Black have a tense discussion, she puts her cigarette out in the trash after Larry asks that she not smoke in the house. But with the smoke alarm disabled, a fire breaks out while everyone is asleep and the Davids and the Blacks are left standing in the front yard, looking at their ruined home.


    (1) The number of golf strokes one can hit before being able to just put the ball in the hole, according to Larry and Jeff.

    (2) A category 5 hurricane reminiscent of Katrina causing 43 deaths, rendering thousands homeless and costing billions in damage.

    (3) What Larry's father calls dumb drivers.

    (4) The dark chocolate log cake served at the Funkhousers is a big hit. But when Larry and Cheryl go to buy one, they discover it's actually a black penis cake and the 26th Street Bakery is actually an erotic bakery.

    (5) Now also a board game, this was originally a TV game show that Chuck Barris started in the 1970s, hosted by Bob Eubanks, in which newly wed couples have to guess what their spouse would reply to different questions. E.G. Q: "What is the one thing your husband forbids you to put on his wiener?" A: "Ben-Gay."

    (6) The pet name Marty Funkhouser calls Nan Funkhouser.

    (7) The analogy Larry makes when he meets the Black family, noting that their last name is black and they are Black. "That's like if my last name was Larry Jew."

    (8) See footnote 4. Further, Jeff hasn't seen the cake when he brings it to the party, as it's boxed. The site of the large chocolate penis traumatizes the 13-year-old Keysha Black when Jeff presents the cake.

  2. 02 - The Anonymous Donor

    Jeff is helping Larry, Cheryl and the Blacks unpack in their new house when Cheryl gets a cell phone call. It's Ted and as Cheryl runs off to take the call, Larry complains to Jeff about their flirting, including the Tap (1). Larry reminds Jeff of the NRDC ceremony; Larry's having a wing named after him in honor of a large donation he made. Meanwhile, though the Blacks aren't thrilled with the new house, they've invited Uncle Leon, Loretta's brother (who lives in LA), to stay.

    Cheryl interrupts Larry's breakfast with the Blacks and Leon to call him aside. She was putting flowers in Leon's room and discovered a stain on the blanket, which is clearly the result of masturbation. She's appalled and doesn't know what to do, but is even more embarrassed when Larry calls Leon over to confront him about the stain, which Leon think he's calling "a jacklette" (2). Leon insists it wasn't him.

    Dropping the blanket off at the dry cleaner, Larry is embarrassed when the drycleaner sees the stain and he assures her it wasn't him. When she gives him his dry cleaning to take home, he notices that his #25 jersey (3) is missing. She shrugs and says she must have given it to someone else by mistake. When he is outraged, she invokes the unwritten law of dry cleaning (4) and tells him what's done is done.

    At the NRDC opening, Larry complains about the stain while talking to Jeff and Ted and Jeff confesses that it was actually him. Jeff did it at Passover (5) at Larry's, explaining he got bored but then couldn't clean it up because he had to rush to get back for the 4 questions (6). Meanwhile, when Larry sees that the other wing was donated by "Anonymous," he gets upset. Now it looks like he just did it for the credit. His distress escalates when Cheryl tells him Ted is Anonymous, and, in fact, everyone seems to know this, including Senator Boxer, who's giving the opening remarks. It's faux anonymity (7), Larry insists, fuming. When Larry brings up the dry cleaning issue to Senator Boxer, complaining that there's no regulation of the industry, she tells him that's just the rule of dry cleaning, and that she, in fact is wearing someone else's pants she got from the dry cleaner.

    Ted ends up telling Cheryl that Jeff is the masturbator and Cheryl bans Jeff from their house. Larry goes to give the news to Jeff and they are both peeved at Ted for being a little yenta (8). Susie overhears and is furious at Jeff for masturbating outside of their home, but also mad at Cheryl for banning him. She bans Larry from her house in retaliation.

    Larry invites Leon out for a drive and apologizes for blaming him for the stain. While they're out, Larry spots an Asian man wearing a #25 Yankees jersey and tells Leon it's his. Leon insists on getting it back and when he demands that the man take off his shirt, the man, intimidated, hands it over. Desperate to use the bathroom, Larry stops by Jeff and Susie's and begs Susie to use the bathroom in spite of the fact he's banned. She acquiesces. Later, Leon and Larry spot another man wearing #25 and Larry realizes the first jersey wasn't his after all. This one, however, worn by a board member of the NRDC, is Larry's - the man admits he got it from the dry cleaner but insists that means it's his now. They argue and the man finally tells Larry he's taking his name off the wing. Larry couldn't be happier. "Put 'Anonymous!' " he shouts.

    Larry and Leon are home playing cards when Susie busts in, furious because her daughter Sammy has found ejaculate on her teddy bear shortly after Larry's visit. Larry insists it wasn't him. "So it's anonymous?" Susie shouts. Cheryl overhears and tells her that Ted is Anonymous. Susie, shocked, takes off after Ted.

    Larry walks down the street in his #25 jersey when the Asian man Leon took the jersey from spots him. This time he's with a group of tough guys and as they chase after Larry, he runs to the NRDC building for safety but the doors are locked and the guard won't let him in. "I'm Larry David. That's my wing!" he begs. But the guard only sees "Anonymous" on the wall.


    (1) According to Larry this is "sex for platonic friends." Because touching each other is forbidden, the friends are allowed to playfully tap each other instead.

    (2) Actually, ejaculate: a stain which Leon suggests could be juice, syrup or gravy, but which Larry insists is a cum stain.

    (3) Joe Pepitone's jersey number from the NY Yankees. Larry has had his #25 jersey since he was a kid.

    (4) Sometimes you get something that isn't yours and you keep it, and sometimes something of yours is given to someone else and you lose it.

    (5) A Jewish holiday. Not one of the high holy days, such as Yom Kippur. (Jeff insists he would never have masturbated at Larry's during Yom Kippur.)

    (6) A popular part of the Passover Seder ceremony in which four questions are asked of the youngest child in attendance. e.g.: Why is this night different from all other nights? And the child responds with set answers.

    (7) You're either anonymous, or you're not, according to Larry.

    (8) A Yiddish word referring to someone who is a gossip.

  3. 03 - The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial

    Hanging out at Jeff's, Larry and Jeff discuss the sudden death of Marty Funkhouser's mother, Ida, who was run over in her wheelchair off of Sunset Boulevard. Larry complains that Marty didn't call to thank him for the condolence message he left, and also that he'll never get the $50 owed him because you can't ask a mourner to pay his debt. Susie comes in and gets into an argument with Larry over who owes who a condolence for Ida's death. To break things up, Jeff suggests he and Larry go to the ice cream store.

    Waiting their turn in the ice cream line, Larry decides to buy some for Cheryl, explaining it's part of his strategy to get sex (1). With the line taking forever, Larry grows impatient with the sample abuser (2) ahead of them. Jeff decides he shouldn't be eating ice cream and leaves Larry, who confronts the sample abuser and she finally storms out. Leaving the store, Larry bumps into Marty Funkhouser who is out for a jog to work out some of his pent up emotions. When Larry mentions he didn't receive a thank you for his condolence, Marty protests that he was preoccupied - he's an orphan (3) now. Marty remembers that he owes Larry money and pulls out a soggy $50 bill from his running shoe. Larry is disgusted and tries to refuse it but Marty says it's the only money he has, take it or leave it. Larry takes it, grudgingly.

    When Larry returns home with ice cream for Cheryl, Loretta is upset he didn't buy any for her family. Larry feels this is an honest mistake on his part - a sin of omission (4). Cheryl isn't impressed with his offering because she's just gotten a call from the private school they're trying to get Daryl and Keisha into, and it turns out the woman Larry argued with at the ice cream shop is the dean of admissions. Larry insists he was in the right - she was breaking the rules of society (5). He promises he'll make things right - he'll get her flowers. When the painter presents Larry with a bill for $50, Larry offers him the Funkhouser fifty. Disgusted, the painter refuses it, settling for the crumpled bills and change Larry offers instead.

    When Larry tries to pay for a bouquet of flowers with the Funkhouser fifty, the salesperson refuses it. He calls Marty from his car to complain that no one will take his fifty and demands that Marty bring a replacement to his house. Hanging up, Larry spots the Ida Funkhouser roadside memorial and pulls over. Looking around, he grabs a bouquet of flowers and heads off to the private school.

    Dean Julia Thorpe accepts Larry's apology and is pleased with the flowers, which she has her assistant put in a vase on her desk.

    On his way home, he stops by the Ida Funkhouser roadside memorial again and picks up a bouquet for Cheryl and one for Loretta. The women are happy for the flowers and Cheryl is impressed that he was able to get back into the Dean's good graces. Larry is feeling like he might get lucky with Cheryl. But then Marty shows up and recognizes the flowers and demands their return. Larry promises to retrieve the bunch he gave to the Dean. Begging Cheryl for some way to get back on her good side, she suggests a bottle of her favorite perfume might do the trick.

    Waiting online at the perfume store, Larry grows anxious and tries to second guess which line will move faster, switching back and forth with another man. But the woman in front of him hold things up when she tries different samples, and the man who'd been behind him, moves to the front of the other line and snags the last bottle of Cheryl's favorite perfume. Enraged, Larry causes a scene in the store. He heads back to the school, where Jeff and Susie are meeting with the Dean about Sammi's application. Larry snatches the flowers but can't get out the door before they spot him. Quickly, he stuffs the flowers in an open handbag. It turns out to be Susie's bag and they are all booted out when the Dean discovers her flowers are missing. The Greene's are furious at Larry - now none of the kids can go to the school.

    Larry heads to the Funkhouser's with the bedraggled bouquet to return it. Richard Lewis is there paying his respects along with out-of-town friends and family who pounce on a tray of hors d'oeuvres that is passed around. Larry calls them vultures (6) and Richard agrees. He spots a shrine to Ida at the Funkhouser's, including a bottle of Cheryl's favorite perfume and he snatches it when no one's looking.

    The next day, at the funeral, Cheryl is happily wearing her new perfume as they stand in line to greet the family. As they draw closer, Marty sniffs the air, smelling his mother's missing perfume. Panicked, Larry tosses the Funkhouser fifty onto the floor in the middle of the room, says "Look somebody dropped a fifty," and as the vultures pounce, he hustles Cheryl away.


    (1) In order to get Cheryl to have sex with him, Larry says: "On the day I want sex, I'm a lot nicer….then we'll have sex. Then I'll go back to being the way I am. It's fascinating."

    (2) Someone who takes too many free samples. According to Larry, only one or two at the most should be allowed.

    (3) Marty claims that anyone without parents is an orphan. Larry argues that you can't be 70 and be an orphan. Mary says you can be 100 and be an orphan.

    (4) According to Larry, a sin of commission is much worse because it is intentional, whereas a sin of omission is unintentional.

    (5) Unwritten rules that we have that help us go about our day, according to Larry. e.g. Like at night, we tiptoe, even though there is no sign that says "tiptoe."

    (6) "I bet if you threw a quarter down there'd be a stampede," Richard says.

  4. 04 - The Lefty Call

    On the way to the bathroom at work, Larry sees Cha Cha, who is seated at a desk just outside the Men's room. She thanks Larry for his help in getting her the new job, just as her boss Bart, a producer, greets Larry and confirms they're on for lunch with the wives. Cha Cha keeps chatting but Larry manages to duck into the bathroom. When he exits, she comments: "That was quick."

    Before lunch, Jeff stops by and Larry complains that Cha Cha is like a bathroom monitor (1). When Jeff asks why Larry doesn't just go at home, he explains that Cheryl uses environmental toilet paper and he can't abide it. At the end of lunch with Larry, Cheryl, Jeff, Susie, Bart and his wife Barbara, Larry jokes with Bart that he can fire Cha Cha, it would be fine with him. Cheryl changes the subject, praising Barbara for attending lunch when they have nine children. Everyone is impressed except Larry, who finds it a little egotistical (2). Bart mentions his father has opened a retro barber shop and Larry and Jeff vow to try it. When the officious waiter Daviday comes to ask how everything was, Susie announces she'd like a doggie bag. When Daviday discerns that she is going to feed the food to her dog, he informs her that it is not the restaurant's policy (3) to allow that. As their argument escalates, Larry intervenes by asking to take the food home himself. Daviday demands to know if Larry intends to eat the leftover steak himself. When Larry promises he will, Daviday intones, "We shall see."

    Richard stops by to see Larry and suggests a double date with Cheryl and Cha Cha to see a movie. Larry says he'll have to check with Cheryl and confesses to Richard that Cha Cha isn't really working out, she's too chatty. Richard notes that she's told him Larry goes to the bathroom 10-14 times/day and they are both concerned. Larry loses his temper, accusing her of having bowel concern (4). Defending his bathroom habits, Larry challenges Richard to a colon contest (5). Fleeing their argument, Larry retreats to the bathroom. When he flushes, the sound -- like a sonic boom -- sends him reeling, and to the doctor for his ear.

    During his exam, the doctor asks Larry a series of questions and when he gets to the question of whether he's urinating a lot, Larry gets defensive (6). He resists answering. Exasperated, the doctor recommends that Larry "stay off the right ear" (7) and talk to a therapist about his bathroom issues. Larry demands to see another physician but is told he'll have to make another appointment to see someone else: "This isn't McDonalds," the doctor informs him.

    As Larry leaves, a skinhead in the waiting room growls at him: "What the f**k you looking at Jew boy?" and calls him a "f**king faggot." Shocked, Larry slunks out (8).

    When Larry gets home, he is greeted by the Blacks who are upset about the toilet paper situation being like Port Authority toilet paper (9). Larry offers to get them soft toilet paper if they allow him access to their bathroom, and swears them to secrecy. He then pulls Leon aside and tells him about the skinhead incident. Leon tells him in those situations he needs to "get in that ass." (10).

    Larry calls Richard to confirm their double date and Cha Cha answers. She suggests they go to a fancy restaurant and he agrees to tell Cheryl. Struggling to talk lefty (11), Larry has to keep pulling the phone away from his ear. He asks Cha Cha what she's wearing. Confused, she asks if he means right now. But Larry has pulled the phone away from his ear and doesn't hear her. He starts to breathe heavily with the frustration of talking lefty and asks again what she's wearing. Disgusted, Cha Cha hangs up.

    Larry is enjoying his old-fashioned haircut at the barber shop and chats with Bart's father. When the barber asks if everything seemed OK with Bart, because Barbara just had a miscarriage, Larry brushes it off: "They already have nine kids." Upset, the barber tells Larry he's done and whips him mercilessly with his towel, sending Larry and Jeff running.

    When Larry drops Jeff at home, Susie yells that the dog has been shitting all day after being fed the food from the restaurant. She's certain Daviday must have tainted it and demands that Jeff confront him. But Larry reminds them he promised he'd eat the food. Even better, according to Susie. Larry has to tell Daviday he's been sick as a dog since eating the food. When Larry confronts Daviday for tampering with the food, the waiter is skeptical of Larry's claim he ate it and they stare each other down.

    Larry returns home to use the bathroom in the Black's guest room. When he emerges, Cheryl is there and discovers the soft toilet paper (12). The Blacks immediately blame Larry but he is saved by the doorbell. Richard lets himself in and accuses Larry of being a perv for hitting on Cha Cha on the phone. And now she's been fired because Bart heard about Larry's insensitive miscarriage remark and doesn't want anything to do with anyone who knows Larry. Larry insists "Nine's enough (13)." Promising to get Cha Cha's job back, Larry reaches for the phone to call Barbara to apologize. Richard won't accept a lefty call, however, he insists on a righty call. When Barbara answers she screams at Larry.

    Leon rushes Larry to the doctor for his re-injured right ear. In the waiting room, Larry spots a bald man emerging and jumps up to get in his ass. But as he starts yelling, the nurse rushes out, informing Larry that the man is not a skinhead, but a chemo patient. Larry apologizes but moments later, has to race to the man's rescue again when he hears Leon in the hallway, also getting in that ass.


    (1) Traditionally, a person assigned to watch a school bathroom to make sure no one does anything against school policy. e.g. smokes cigarettes or marijuana.

    (2) Having nine children is like having "Nine of you," Larry tells Bart.

    (3) According to Daviday, the restaurant doesn't provide doggie bags for dogs, allowing no food prepared for people to be fed to dogs. He suggests Susie buy kibble instead.

    (4) Larry finds Cha Cha's interest in his bathroom habits to be obsessive and intrusive. Richard insists he has the same concern, and it's concern for Larry's health.

    (5) Richard brags that he could pit the VHS of his colon against Larry's any time.

    (6) Larry finds a question about urination frequency irrelevant to his ear problem. He views it as a private thing, not to be discussed with strangers. "We're not on a bus. I'm a doctor," the doctor points out.

    (7) "You want me to talk lefty?" Larry asks. Yes, that is what the doctor means.

    (8) The phrase Larry later uses to describe to Leon his reaction to the skinhead. e.g. "I slunk out." Leon points out he "punked out."

    (9) Cheryl is an environmentalist and stocks the house with post-consumer toilet paper. Larry and the Blacks agree it is rough and unpleasant.

    (10) According to Leon, Larry must: Pull the asshole open. Step into their asshole. Close the door behind you. Take a spray paint can "Larry was here." Eat snickers, leave wrappers and garbage, f**k his whole asshole up. Open it up and step out again."

    (11) See #7.

    (12) Cheryl explains that soft toilet paper takes millions of virgin trees to make, which leads to global warming, which leads to hurricanes like the one that displaced the Blacks.

    (13) To back up his argument, Larry tells Richard how things are in China, where you are only allowed two kids. If you have three, they execute. "Kill the baby?" Richard asks. "Not the baby, idiot. They kill the parents." When Richard doubts this Larry backs down: "Maybe they don't execute but they give you a good dressing down."

  5. 05 - The Freak Book

    Larry is leafing through the Freak Book (1), his gift for Ted, while he waits for Cheryl to get ready for Ted's birthday party. Cheryl updates Larry with good news: they secured their cemetery plots so they will be buried beside Ted and Mary and Jeff and Susie. Larry has to put the book aside when their driver (2) Charlie arrives to take them to the party.

    When they arrive at the party, Larry is concerned that Charlie will be bored waiting, but Charlie insists he'll be fine: it's his job to wait. Inside, Larry strikes up a conversation with the bartender who is wearing a bow tie (3). When he finds out that Ted requested the bow tie, Larry insists on talking to Ted to get him to change his mind, in spite of the bartender's pleas that he not say anything. "You don't understand how I operate," insists Larry.

    Ted defends the bow tie choice to Larry, insisting it classes up the party. Larry badgers him but Ted won't give in, so Larry changes course and asks that he be able to invite his driver inside to the party so he doesn't have to wait alone in the car (4). Ted would rather send coffee out, but finally acquiesces. Later, opening his gifts, Ted is unimpressed with the Freak Book, and Larry snatches it away to show Jeff. As the two of them laugh loudly over the photos, Charlie the driver stumbles into the room, plastered. When Mary runs in, shouting that Charlie groped her, Ted kicks him out, and throws Larry and his Freak Book out after him.

    With Charlie too drunk to drive, Larry and Cheryl drive him home to a depressing house where his wheelchair-bound wife greets them screaming at the door -- with her aging father shouting in the background. Larry is disturbed by their sad lives, but begs to borrow the limo until the next day so he and Cheryl can get home.

    The next night, getting ready to go to the Paul McCartney concert, Larry tells Cheryl he no longer wants to be buried next to Ted after he kicked him out last night, and insists that she swap places with him. Cheryl is amenable, but warns he must clear it with Susie, who Larry will be next to if they switch. When Jeff and Susie arrive to go to the concert with them, Larry kisses up to Susie (5). But when he raises a toast to friendship and announces he's trading places with Cheryl, Susie balks (6). Furious no one will switch places, Larry storms out, taking the limo: "If you don't want to be buried next to me when you're dead, I can assume you don't want to be next to me when you're alive!"

    In the limo, Larry gets a call from a hungover Charlie who needs a big favor. He's late to pick up at VIP client at the airport and needs Larry to cover for him. Larry resists but Charlie wears him down. It turns out the VIP Is John McEnroe who is headed to the McCartney concert. As he drives, Larry won't stop talking, firing away questions about being shy (7), ping pong (8), gardening (9) and the frequency of married sex (10), much to McEnroe's dismay.

    Driving by the cemetery, Larry insists on making a stop for just couple of minutes. He urges McEnroe to read the Freak Book (which Larry left in the limo) while he waits. Larry ends up purchasing a second plot, away from his group; he'll have to sell his plot himself, they don't take returns. Impatient, McEnroe gets out to look for Larry and an Italian family climbs into the limo, thinking it's theirs. When Larry returns, he can't get the grieving family out of the limo. The family insists he drive them home and Larry orders McEnroe into the back with them. When Larry gets lost and the mayhem in the limo escalates, a fed-up McEnroe insists Larry pull over and ejects the family. They continue on to the concert and Larry talks McEnroe into taking him to the VIP pre-party - along with the Freak Book, which McEnroe loves.

    At the pre-party, as Larry and McEnroe get drunk their enthusiasm for the Freak Book gets louder and the crowd quiets just in time to hear them shouting "What a freak!" the moment Heather Mills (11) enters. The two are ejected from the party just as the Greens and Cheryl drive by.

    Returning the limo, Larry takes pity on Charlie's wife, whose father just died. "I can't afford a funeral...where are we going to bury him?" she asks. "I think I can help you out" says Larry.


    (1) A large coffee table book entitled 'Mondo Freaks,' with photos of various human freaks of nature including a guy who's just a head and a guy with three penises.

    (2) Cheryl has the idea to hire a driver for the evening so they can drink at Ted and Mary's party and have fun without having to worry about driving home...

    (3) Larry says the bow tie makes him feel uncomfortable and looks like Ted is putting on airs. Ted insists that given the choice of bow tie or no bow tie, the bow tie looks elegant.

    (4) Larry claims he once drove a limo and Ted, thinking he's ascertained the root of Larry's fixation with the bartender's attire, demands to know if he had to wear a bow tie. Larry says no, he drove a blind woman and she couldn't see what he was wearing.

    (5) Larry tells Susie he loves her outfit. She is wearing a black leather vest with a pink sequined top and headband and pink platform shoes.

    (6) "Even your best self, I'm not interested in for eternity... I want peace and quiet." says Susie.

    (7) Larry was shy as a kid, as was McEnroe. Larry doesn't understand the exhortation "Don't be shy." McEnroe knows what he means.

    (8) Larry believes that ping pong is harder than tennis. "I'll have to respectfully disagree," McEnroe responds.

    (9) Larry is jealous of gardeners because they find it relaxing and meditative. McEnroe isn't jealous of gardeners.

    (10) Larry has sex once a week, maybe twice. McEnroe finds that question too personal to answer.

    (11) Paul McCartney's ex-wife has a prosthetic left leg (below the knee) as the result of being hit by a police motorcycle in London in 1993. Cheryl heard she and Paul might be getting back together.

  6. 06 - The Rat Dog

    Larry waits for his unbearably slow toaster while the kids get ready for school and Leon prepares for a job interview. Larry offers some advice: take control, turn it around on the interviewer (1). Leon gets overexcited by the idea and Larry tries to backpeddle but he's interrupted by a call from a telemarketer who, much to his frustration, won't take no for an answer. When he hangs up, Leon notes they have the same cell phone.

    Cheryl calls out to Larry from bed. She's very sick and wants some attention (2). She tells him she can't go to Keisha's school production of 'Grease' and urges Larry to get someone to go in her place.

    Dropping the kids off at school, Larry runs into Susie who is talking to a black man named Hal and his white, deaf wife, Jean. Susie translates Jean's sign language and Larry is impressed with her fluency. When Larry sees Jean's small dog in her bag, he says it looks "half-rat," and Jean gets insulted and leaves. Larry tries to call out after her that she couldn't hear his tone, that he was joking, but it's too late. In the school restroom, he sees Hal and explains his joking tone about the rat dog comment. Hal suggests Larry stop by their house to make a face-to-face apology (3). As Larry dries his hands under the air dryer he makes a gesture that apparently is insulting, since Hal storms out.

    At Jeff's, Larry explains his interest in sick sex (4). He also tells Jeff he's thinking of getting his father a happy ending massage and Jeff provides him with the name of a masseuse. When Susie comes in, Larry recreates the gesture he made to Hal and asks her to translate. "You called Hal a c**ksucker Larry!" she informs him. Then, when Larry mentions he needs a date to see 'Grease' at the middle school, Mike, the Greene's exterminator, overhears and says he'd love to go. Cornered, Larry agrees to the date.

    The next morning, Leon reports that his interview went well: "I'm a flipping ass right now!" Today, Loretta has a job interview and Larry's offered to drive her. But first, his father, Nat, stops by and reports that he had a wonderful massage and is now in love with his masseuse Lisa because of the special love she showed him and he wants to buy her a present. Before Larry can set him straight, Cheryl calls out for him. She wants wheat toast. Larry balks, saying the toast will take "a year" and Loretta has an interview but Cheryl insists, accusing Larry of not caring about her. Larry runs down to make toast, pausing Leon's toast to do so (5). When he brings her limp bread instead of toast, Cheryl rejects it but Loretta is shouting for him that she's late and he has to go. He grabs the wrong cell phone as he runs out.

    An hour late to her interview, Loretta loses the job and is pissed. Blaming the toaster, Larry insists they buy a new one. At the store, Larry sees Loretta checking out a cute guy and comments, but Loretta claims he's not her shade (6). Larry spots Jean shopping and goes over to apologize. Talking loudly and gesturing broadly, he gets his message across that he was joking about her dog looking like a rat. He also tries to explain the misunderstanding with Hal (7).

    She accepts his apology and beats a hasty retreat. But later, when Larry is explaining to his father that he hired the masseuse to give him a happy ending, Jean sees Larry making a yanking gesture from across the store, and is again offended. Larry leaves a message for Hal to call him on his cell so he can explain this latest misunderstanding.

    Larry gets a call on his cell phone, intended for Leon, by a man "prepared to make you an offer." Thinking it's a telemarketer, Larry tells him off, and Leon loses the job. Meanwhile, Hal calls Larry's cell to tell him off for offending Jean yet again, and gets Leon. Hal is outraged, thinking Larry is putting on a black guy character to make fun of Hal and hangs up in a rage.

    Leon realizes he has the wrong phone and points this out to Larry. But Larry denies that Leon got a call about a job and Leon denies he answered a call from Hal. When Mike arrives to be Larry's date for 'Grease,' Leon questions him at the door like an overprotective father, while the two men wait for Larry. Larry finally comes down and they head off to the play. Larry and Mike take their seats between Nat and the masseuse Lisa, and Susie and Jeff. But before the show starts, Jean stomps up and causes a scene, angrily signing to Susie that Larry made racist comments to Hal on the phone. When Jean's dog escapes in the auditorium, Nat yells "it's a rat!" Mike springs into action to exterminate it, and stomps it to death before Lisa stops him with her screams "It's a dog!" The audience flees, horrified.

    Mike drops Larry off at home, the night having been a bust and shake hands at Larry's front door as they part ways.

    Using the new toaster, a recuperated Cheryl makes toast for Larry, who is now sick. But Larry would rather feel her breasts than eat toast, much to Cheryl's disgust. "What are you doing?" she demands. "No good?" he asks.


    (1) Larry suggests that Leon flip the power dynamic of an interview by asking questions, not just answering them. Leon gets excited by the idea of turning it around on him: "topsy turvey the motherf**ker!"

    (2) Because she has a fever, Cheryl wants some liquids - water and juice. Larry comes on to her instead. This isn't the kind of attention Cheryl wants.

    (3) Larry believes "they wouldn't want that," meaning "deaf people" because they wouldn't want to be treated differently from other handicapped people, who you can call to apologize to, whereas deaf people require a pop-in apology. Hal disagrees.

    (4) Larry is aroused by the idea of sex with Cheryl when she's sick in bed, helpless. Jeff agrees but prefers the reverse: sex when he's sick. Larry admits he likes it either way.

    (5) Leon says you can't pause toast: you can't stop making toast and then go back to it. Larry insists you can pause toast. That is until Cheryl says her bread needs further toasting, at which point Larry takes the opposing position to suggest it's too late: you can't pause toast.

    (6) Loretta likes them chocolate, not beige. Larry says shade is not an issue for him; he can go from albino to Heart-of-Darkness, Africa.

    (7) Larry didn't mean to sign c**ksucker. He was drying his hands.

  7. 07 - The TiVo Guy

    Larry finally has the Tivo guy at the house to check on why the Tivo is pixilating, causing them to miss shows, when Cheryl calls from an airplane phone. She's on a turbulent flight in the middle of a storm and wants some comfort but Larry can't quite hear her and is too worried about losing the Tivo guy to pay much attention. He tells her to call back. Cheryl hangs up in disgust and grabs the hand of the man seated next to her as the plane bumps along.

    When Cheryl arrives home, she announces to Larry that she's leaving him. Larry defends his bad phone behavior, invoking the Tivo guy, but Cheryl says it's "all of it (1,2)." Besides, after she thought she was going to die and he hung up on her, she got talking to the guy sitting next to her. Larry can't believe she met someone else and demands to know if he's as prepared as Larry is at all times (3). Cheryl doesn't know, but says he owns his own underwear company (4).

    Cheryl goes to stay with her sister Becky. A despondent Larry interrupts a dinner party at the Greene's who are entertaining the Funkhousers. "Cheryl left me," he says and everyone jumps to console him. Susie makes him a plate (5) and Larry explains about the phone call from the plane and the Tivo guy. Even though everyone thinks Larry was in the wrong in this case, Susie states that people are going to take sides, and they all agree to stand behind Larry. When the phone rings, Susie won't let Larry answer it (6).

    Larry remembers that he made a dinner reservation that night for Primo's and calls to cancel. The hostess asks why and Larry explains: "My wife left me." The hostess doesn't believe him and scolds him for not giving more notice. Hanging up, he notices an invitation to their friend Simon's party. Larry recently loaned Simon money and Larry's upset he's throwing an extravagant birthday party.

    Returning home, Larry runs into Cheryl who is picking up more of her things. He asks her to call the hostess at Primo's to confirm his story but Cheryl refuses.

    Simon stops by Larry's and Larry complains that the money he lent him wasn't intended for a party. Simon insists Larry's money was for something different. He also tells Larry he's not invited to the party, he and his wife have chosen Cheryl.

    Picking up his clothing from the drycleaners with Jeff, Larry inadvertently knocks a signed photo of Lucy Lawless off of the wall. When the drycleaner gets upset, Jeff tells Larry he'll make a call to her agent and get a replacement.

    Larry goes to Primo' for dinner by himself and suspects that he's being blackballed when it takes a long time to get a table for one. Marty and Jodi Funkhouser see Larry and Marty breaks the news that they've decided to go with Cheryl after all.

    Larry stops by Becky's but she tells him Cheryl's not there. But Larry talks his way in, spying Elenna the housekeeper - who has also gone with Cheryl. Then Cheryl and her date appear. Larry grills Cheryl's date on whether he has mints, a pen and tissues (he does), and challenges him on the need for flyless underwear (7).

    Lucy Lawless accompanies Larry to the drycleaner to sign the replacement photo in person. They hit it off and Larry invites her on a date (8) to Primo's. They run into Ted Danson (9) and after Lucy leaves, Larry asks Ted why he hasn't been invited to his charity event and Ted admits he's picked Cheryl.

    At home, Larry tells the Blacks he's got a date with Xena the Warrior Princess and they are impressed. But on his way out, he remembers he has to Tivo the Lakers game and turns back quickly, but doubles over in pain. Leon rushes him to the ER where Larry learns his testicles got ensnared in the fly of his underwear (10). The doctor prescribes No Fly Zone underwear, icing his testicles and no sex for a week.

    At Primo's, Lucy is enjoying Larry's company but when Larry complains about not getting a table, he's told by Primo that he won't be getting one: they've chosen Cheryl. Lucy invites Larry over to her house but when Larry tells her he can't have sex for a week, she is disgusted with his presumption and storms off.

    On his way home, Larry stops at Simon's party but he's not on the list. While he's arguing with the bouncer, Richard Lewis shows up. Lewis has been hired to perform for the night for $10k - the amount of money Larry loaned Simon. Larry insists he's paying for Richard and tries to stop him from entering. But Lewis argues it's business, not personal. They tussle and Larry collapses in pain: his long balls were hit.

    Back at home, Larry ices his testicles and tries to watch the end of the Laker game on Tivo, but it freezes, pixilated.


    (1) This includes a range of Larry's annoying behavior, including talking during sex. Chit chat, not dirty talk, e.g. wanting to discuss who can't tell the difference between real and fake crab meat.

    (2) It also includes the fact that people always ask "How do you stay with him?" and Cheryl has always claimed there's another side to Larry that people don't see. But she now realizes: there is no other side.

    (3) Does the new guy have mints, a pen and a tissue at all times? Larry does.

    (4) The new guy invented No Fly Zone, underwear with no fly.

    (5) It's a small plate, which Larry complains about. Susie insists it's the same amount of food, just a smaller plate.

    (6) The Greenes have a rule: no answering the phone during dinner. Larry thinks it might be Cheryl.

    (7) According to Glenn, Cheryl's date, research shows that 74% of men go over the fence, while the rest go through the gate. Larry, however, believes that the penis needs an option.

    (8) Larry uses the "I'm not a cool guy" line, which is a new approach for him and he's impressed with how well it works and reports this to Ted, who is reservedly pleased for Larry.

    (9) Lucy Lawless thinks Ted Danson is an a**hole.

    (10) "Twisted balls" is the layman's term Leon uses for Larry's condition and notes that Larry has long balls.

  8. 08 - The N Word

    Larry calls out to Auntie Rae to show her a patch he cleared in the yard for her to garden. As she hugs him with appreciation she feels his erection, and runs away in disgust shouting, "You're disgusting!"

    Confiding to Jeff over lunch at the hospital cafeteria, Larry explains that Auntie Rae went over the amount of time he can experience human contact without getting aroused (1). Jeff empathizes and they move on to discuss his impending operation to help his terrible snoring. He also tells Larry he's excited because Ben Stiller may sign with him as a client. Larry suspects that their waitress isn't nice to him because he's bald, an idea Jeff waves off. When Larry goes to drop off a prescription, Jeff eats his fries while he's gone. Jeff denies knowing anything about the missing fries when Larry returns but the woman at the next table, Dr. Sheila Flomm, tips Larry off that Jeff ate the fries.

    Leon chews Larry out about "stabbing" his Aunt in the stomach. Larry defends himself (2). He promises no more hugging and insists that he's trying to get a date so he's not so starved for affection.

    Larry makes a date with Sheila Flomm (3). When he goes to pick her up, her brother and sister are staying with her. Larry explains that he has the Black's staying with him and knows what it's like to have long-term house guests. He asks her about his groin problem (4) and she explains how he should massage it. As the evening progresses she suggests they move it to her bedroom (5). But by the time she gets upstairs to join him, she announces her brother and sister have come home and they need to change their plans (6).

    While Larry is sitting in his car in his driveway trying the massage Dr. Flomm recommended, Auntie Rae spots him and runs off in disgust. Later, Larry is having lunch with Sheila Flomm and she gives him a note (7) to read expressing her feelings. When he excuses himself to use the men's bathroom, Larry overhears someone using the N word while making a cell phone call. Outraged, he relays the story to Sheila back at their table and just as he says the N word, quoting the guy on the phone, an African-American doctor walks by and lets Larry have it in a tirade of anger.

    The African-American doctor, Dr. Page, comes into Jeff's surgery in a rage, and insists that Jeff's head be shaved for his surgery. Susie and Jeff are horrified by Jeff's bald head, not to mention the news that the surgery was cancelled. Dr. Page apologetically explains he'd just been victimized in the cafeteria and was so upset he mistakenly shaved Jeff's head. As he explains the N word incident, Susie and Jeff realize that it must have been Larry that Dr. Page was so mad at.

    The Greene's show up at Larry's screaming that Jeff's bald head is Larry's fault. Larry explains that he was simply relaying a conversation he overheard - but as he gets to the N word, Loretta hears him and calls on Leon and Auntie Rae who start screaming as Larry struggles to defend himself. The Blacks say they're moving out. Susie offers for them to stay at their place.

    A bald Jeff meets with Ben Stiller, pitching his career advice, but all Ben can see is Jeff's bald head. Jeff meets up with Larry and reports that Stiller said no. Larry says it's because he's bald and when Jeff goes to order from the waitress, she now is rude to him. Jeff asks him how Larry deals with it. Larry explains he gets support from his bald brothers (8).

    Larry takes his doctor's note to the pharmacist (9) who translates: "Larry had a great time last night. Would love to get together Friday night at the Bellaire Regency Hotel. Just the two of us... so tired of all these brothers and sisters around. I know you feel the same way. Tell me your life wouldn't be better without the Blacks." Larry tries to explain the context of the note, but the African-American pharmacist isn't interested. In his anger, he gives Larry the wrong Rx and Larry unwittingly starts taking estrogen.

    When he meets Sheila at the hotel, Larry is disturbed to discover that his 5-Mississippi rule isn't working; he is unresponsive. Sheila drives him home, where Larry discovers his Rx is wrong. Later that night, moping on his couch, Larry reminisces about the good times with Cheryl. But he isn't alone long; unable to sleep with Jeff's snoring, the Black's return to Larry's in the middle of the night.

    Jeff testifies in a hearing before the hospital board about allegations of physician misconduct, explaining all the suffering he's experienced for being bald (10). Next, Larry testifies, explaining how he overheard the guy in the bathroom talking on the phone and just as he is about to explain how the guy said the N word, Dr. Page joins them. Larry, frozen with fear, won't say it. As the audience, the Greene's and the medical board all shout at him to say it, Larry shakes his head, shutting up for once.


    (1) Larry only has 5 seconds before he loses control. Jeff says he has discipline "down there," his penis is very discerning. Larry's is a feral tiger.

    (2) Leon calls Larry's defense his Five Second Rule. "1-2-3-4-5 and it comes out." Larry insists he needs to put "Mississippi" between the numbers - that's how long it was.

    (3) Making the date with Dr. Flomm is very similar to scheduling a doctor's appointment.

    (4) Recall from the previous episode, Larry suffers from twisted balls due to his long balls.

    (5) "Go upstairs, remove all your clothes and I'll be in to see you in a few minutes," she tells him.

    (6) "We need to reschedule, why don't you get dressed and I'll meet you in the foyer."

    (7) Larry can't read the note because doctors have terrible penmanship and he asks a passerby to help him decipher it, but she can't help either.

    (8) Jeff asks if there are meetings. No, no meetings, Larry explains. But they recognize each other on the street and nod in support.

    (9) Pharmacists are the only ones who can read doctors' handwriting.

    (10) His daughter locks herself in her room, his wife has turned into a witch. Ben Stiller won't work with him. He's losing millions.

  9. 09 - The Therapists

    Larry tries to win back Cheryl over drinks with the New Larry (1). When he mentions the Old Larry hated her sister, it gives Cheryl pause. But for the most part she's impressed that he's trying to change. He invites her to the movies and dinner. Cheryl would love to, but she wants to talk to her therapist Dr. Slavin first.

    Larry talks to his therapist, Dr. Bright, about how well the date went with Cheryl. Dr. Bright coaches Larry on exactly what to do on his movie/dinner date with Cheryl (2) so as not to come off as a pussy (3).

    During their movie/dinner date, Marty and Nan Funkhouser run into Cheryl and Larry at the restaurant and Marty asks Larry to sponsor him for a 5-mile walkathon to benefit Alzheimers, which he's doing in honor of Nan's father (4). Larry starts to protest but when Cheryl says it's a good cause, he makes the pledge - once again impressing Cheryl with New Larry. He asks her to move back in and she's touched, but when he gives her a Monday deadline she storms out. Larry chases after her shouting that his therapist told him to give her the ultimatum but she doesn't believe him.

    Larry storms into Dr. Bright's office screaming at him for the ultimatum advice (5). He drags Dr. Bright to Cheryl's to set things straight. Larry is impressed with Cheryl's new place on the beach. She explains that her therapist recommended it (6). Dr. Bright explains to Cheryl the ultimatum was his idea, and takes full responsibility for the New Larry. But when Cheryl starts to get the idea that some of the other positive changes weren't Larry's idea she gets confused again and says she needs to talk to her therapist.

    Larry, Jeff and Dr. Bright discuss the Cheryl situation. Larry believes that since Cheryl won't make a move without talking to her therapist, Larry needs to meet Dr. Slavin so she can think he's a terrific guy. Larry has an idea and the three head out to explain Larry's scheme to Leon (7) who agrees, but has a suggestion to make the plan more effective (8).

    Loretta and Auntie Rae walk in while they're discussing the fake mugging and tell Leon he can't do it. Loretta suggests that Dr. Bright do it (9) and he agrees. Dr. Bright and Larry stage the purse snatching and all goes well until the cops pull up and catch Bright as he runs off while Larry accepts the therapist's gratitude (10). Larry manages to introduce himself and and joins her for a cup of coffee; when she tells him she's a therapist, he confides how sad he is that his wife left him and how she never really appreciated Larry's kind side.

    Larry goes to visit Dr. Bright in jail to report that the plan is working well. Dr. Bright says this isn't his top priority at the moment. He is very upset with his accomodations (11). Larry promises he'll get him out but has to cut their session short because he needs to talk to Cheryl who is getting out of therapy. But when he calls Cheryl, she says her therapist told her not to talk to Larry ever again. Larry finds Jeff taking part in the Alzheimer's walkathon to report this news. Jeff says it makes no sense. Larry realizes Dr. Slavin must like him, she wants him for herself. Jeff says Larry is f**ked (12).

    They pass Marty Funkhouser who's sitting in a café along the walk route. Larry demands to know why he's not walking and Marty says he raises money, he doesn't walk. Larry gets an idea while they're arguing about the ethics of this. He meets with Dr. Slavin again and tells her he's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She confesses she was interested in him, but now urges him to get back with his wife. They are interrupted by a police detective who needs to get a description of the purse snatcher from Larry. Using Alzheimer's as an excuse, Larry says he can't remember.

    Dr. Bright is released and Cheryl and Larry have a date at the carnival that is going extremely well. Meanwhile, Dr. Bright goes to see a therapist - Dr. Slavin - because he's so distraught over the whole jail experience. Just as Cheryl agrees to move back with Larry, she gets an urgent call and listens intently to what Dr. Slavin has to say.


    (1) New Larry has his shirt tucked in, wears slacks and real shoes. He wants to travel in Europe on bicycles with Cheryl. Maybe even go scuba diving even though he can't see underwater; he'll feel around for the fish. The only thing New Larry is keeping from Old Larry is the minty breath.

    (2) "Movie first, then dinner. At the movie, take her hand and say: 'I love you.' At dinner, tell Cheryl he wants her to move back in and she has until Monday to decide."

    (3) Larry insists that being a pussy wasn't his problem, it was that he was selfish. But the therapist cuts him off; they are out of time.

    (4) Nan's father runs around the house naked chasing himself and playing tag, yells at the cat for not voting, and every time he farts he calls the fire department.

    (5) "I told you she wasn't bothered by the high pussy percentage but you didn't listen to me!"

    (6) Dr. Slavin suggested Cheryl give herself a "love me" gift and Cheryl had always wanted to live on the beach. Dr. Bright thinks this was good advice. Larry points out that Dr. Bright never suggested Larry get a "love me" gift. Dr. Bright says he would have, eventually.

    (7) Larry's idea is that Leon jump Cheryl's therapist and take her purse and Larry will tackle Leon and save the purse, thus looking like a hero.

    (8) Leon suggests he should f**k Larry up in a fight for the purse. "The more f**ked up you are, the more of a hero you're gonna look like," Leon insists.

    (9) "This pasty-assed muther-f**ker got your ass into it. Have him get your ass out of it!" says Loretta.

    (10) The therapist says Larry was like Clint Eastwood.

    (11) The cell is small. Bright's feet stick out of the bars when he lies in his bed. His cellmate doesn't speak English and weighs over 300 pounds.

    (12) If Larry is mean to the therapist, she'll tell Cheryl. If he's nice, she'll think he likes her.

  10. 10 - The Bat Mitzvah

    Leon has called Jeff over to the house because the Black's are concerned about Larry. He won't get out of bed and is depressed about Cheryl leaving. The two men go to Larry's bedside and take a tough love approach to coaxing him out of being so mope (1). Larry insists he can't imagine himself with anyone other than Cheryl and when Jeff tells him Cheryl is coming to Sammi's Bat Mitzvah (2). Larry gets more upset. Leon urges him to become a different motherf**ker (3).

    Leon drags Larry downstairs to talk to the rest of the Blacks, who urge him to forget about Cheryl and Larry finally vows to do so. The Blacks then announce that they are moving out; their house rehab is finished. Daryl comes running out, upset that his gerbil has escaped and they all disperse to look for it.

    At work, Larry's assistant Antoinette announces that someone is coming to look at renting the office across the hall, which upsets Larry, who likes having it empty. She also tells him Matt Tessler, who was a 'Seinfeld' director, called to say he's stopping by. Larry groans, and guesses it's because Matt wants him to put in a good word for him to direct Richard Lewis's pilot. Larry thinks Matt is a terrible director. He and Antoinette discuss that Matt has a son with some sort of disability (4). Matt drops in and, sure enough, tells Larry he's been stuck in the dramedy ghetto (5) and would like his help with Lewis's pilot. Cornered, Larry agrees to recommend him to Richard. Just then, Antoinette cuts in to ask if Larry still has the tickle in his anus, because she can't get him a doctor's appointment for awhile. Larry is mortified and denies any tickle, but Matt insists he has a cousin who works for a top gastroenterologist and he can get him in right away.

    From his car phone, Larry calls Richard. He "recommends" Matt Tesler for the directing gig (6).

    At the gastroenterologist's, Larry resists signing in, arguing with the receptionist that the sign-in sheet shouldn't be up on the counter for everyone to see. It should be private. She says she will take it up with the home office. In the waiting room, he flirts with another patient but is called into his appointment before he can get her name.

    Matt's cousin, the nurse, asks Larry why he wants to see the doctor, but Larry resists answering, arguing he should just tell the doctor directly. When she pushes him, he finally blurts "I have a gerbil up my ass." Shocked, she notes the problem on his chart. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is, Larry looks at him with disbelief. Exiting the office, Larry sees the woman he was flirting with is gone. He tries to look at the sign-in sheet to get her name, but the receptionist reports that the home office loved his idea and it's now policy to keep the list private. She takes pity on Larry, though, and gives him the woman's name: Paula.

    At lunch with Jeff, Larry reports he has a date with Paula and they debate why she would have been at the gastroenterologist's. Larry gets nervous about his date and asks Jeff and Susie to join them. Later, while the two couples wait in line at the movies, a retarded man makes his way loudly to the front of the line, cutting in front to buy his ticket. When they see him inside the theater, Larry points out to Paula that the man is not actually retarded; he faked it. During the film, both Larry and Paula squirm in their seats but when they ask each other what's wrong, neither one will admit to any discomfort (7).

    When Paula wants to leave the movie minutes before the end, Larry refuses to go with her (8). Paula leaves and Susie urges Larry to go after her. Larry is surprised Paula is gone when they emerge just 6 minutes later. Susie isn't (9).

    The next day, when Larry sees a man looking at the office next door, Larry fakes being retarded, telling the man he's excited he'll be his neighbor and they have to go to lunch together everyday. The man flees. But Matt Tessler has stopped by to thank Larry for recommending him for Lewis's pilot (he got the job) and sees Larry's act. Tessler is offended, pointing out his ten-year-old mentally-challenged son Max wouldn't find it funny. Larry insists he'd gladly rent to Max but Tessler isn't appeased (10). He reveals he heard Larry has a gerbil up his ass, much to Larry's horror.

    Larry meets Lewis, who is furious for Larry's recommendation because Tessler is ruining his pilot. Larry insists he'd put quotes around the recommendation (11). As they're arguing, Richard sees Larry squirm and says "it's true, isn't it?" He tells Larry the gerbil rumor is all over town and the Internet (12).

    Back at Larry's, the Blacks debate whether the gerbil rumor could be true (13). Larry denies it and they are all relieved. The kids announce they're all packed and it hits Larry that they're really leaving. On a last minute whim, he asks Loretta if she wants to go to the Bat Mitzvah with him and she does.

    At the Bat Mitzvah, Larry and a decked-out Loretta sit at a table with Richard and Cha Cha and the Funkhousers. Marty asks Larry about the gerbil and he gets mad. When Jeff and Susie get up to welcome their guests and start the toasts, Larry insists on giving the first toast, but uses the opportunity to deny the gerbil rumor, much to the Greene's horror (14).

    During desert, Larry watches Cheryl with her No Fly Zone date. He goes over to their table and makes polite conversation. When they excuse themselves to dance, Larry watches them, but then his gaze lands on Loretta and he invites her to dance. As the two gaze into each others' eyes on the dance floor, the other guests notice the chemistry.

    We flash ahead to: Larry and Loretta in bed together and the rest of the Blacks jumping on them in the morning. Larry screaming 'soccer' from the sidelines of Daryl's soccer game. Larry and Loretta driving with the kids screaming in the back. Larry and the Blacks screaming at the screen in a crowded movie theater. Susie Greene getting reamed by Loretta for yelling at Larry. And finally, a family photo: Happy Holidays from Larry and the Blacks.


    (1) Leon calls Larry "Mopey Dick," and Jeff corrects him, saying he means Moby Dick, the book, but Leon insists he means Mopey. "His d*ck is moping."

    (2) A Bat Mitzvah is a traditional coming of age party for Jewish girls, held when they turn 13. It's often a big, expensive formal party, which includes the parents' personal and business friends. Cheryl and Larry are both invited because Susie and Jeff didn't pick sides.

    (3) Leon suggests Larry grow a beard, moustache, some sideburns.

    (4) MS or MD, according to Antoinette, who can't remember.

    (5) Ever since Matt directed the cancer scare episode of 'Home Improvement,' he got typed as the guy who does "ticker."

    (6) The recommendation has quotes around it, in the way he says "recommend" very slowly and deliberately.

    (7) Both Paula and Larry also firmly stick to their mutual claims that they were at the gastroenterologist for a "check-up" rather than a specific complaint.

    (8) Larry insists he finishes things he starts, such as a 500-page book. He even has friends he hasn't been able to stand for 25 years because he's the kind of guy who goes down with the ship. "I'm not even the captain," Larry explains. "I'm a guy who keeps the captain company."

    (9) "You don't understand women," Susie chastises Larry. Larry insists she doesn't understand etiquette. "You were right, and now you're alone," says Susie.

    (10) "My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus," Tessler says.

    (11) It was a non-recommend, recommend, Larry explains.

    (12) "Read Gerbil magazine, you're on the cover," says Lewis.

    (13) Leon asks: "Gerbil got in the elevator, hit 'up' and went up your assh*le?"

    (14) Larry denies the gerbil is up his ass, but as full disclosure, admits he has a tickle in his anus.