In what is sure to get an award for botched crime of the year, Rachel Dunlevy, a former nursemaid in the Luthor family's household, kidnapped Lex Luthor this week. Little information has been released on the actual crime, but this much we do know: Dunlevy drugged Lex and took him to her recently purchased house on the outskirts of town (which, I have to admit, sounds better than being hogtied and locked in a casket) where Lex was reportedly knocked unconscious from a struggle. Witness Clark Kent arrived too late to give a report beyond stating that Dunlevy was on the ground sobbing when he found her.

But, as is customary with a crime in Smallville, there are unexplained details. No one can account for the damage done to Dunlevy's home, nor can anyone explain the splintered remains of the axe Dunlevy had tried to use on Smallville's resident millionaire playboy.

Lionel Luthor released a statement regarding the incident. "The kidnapping of my son was an attempt by a woman of questionable mental faculties to extort money from this company. LuthorCorp will not give in to demands of any kind, even when there is a life on the line."

A similar statement was released this morning by the LexCorp public affairs department. "Mr. [Lex] Luthor received minor injuries following his abduction by Rachel Dunlevy. He received treatment at the Smallville Medical Center and returned to work at the LexCorp plant, assuming his full responsibilities."

In a phone interview, Lex commented that aside from a bump on the head, he was fine. No charges will be filed--at least for now.

Ms. Dunlevy is receiving the psychological treatment she needs, at Lionel Luthor's expense. "She served my wife well during her last days, and I want her to know how much that means to me. Never let it be said that Lionel Luthor doesn't care for his own."