Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star in the Emmy® Award-nominated Two and a Half Men, a comedy about men, women, sex, dating, divorce, mothers, single parenthood, sibling relations, surrogate families, money and, most importantly, love. More specifically, it's about the lives of two brothers, a son/nephew and the many women who surround them.
Charlie Harper is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Mercedes in the garage and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother, Alan, and Alan's son, Jake, come to stay with him. Despite the complexities of their lives and their own strained relationship, Charlie and Alan have one thing in common: They both love Jake and want what's best for him. As a result, they manage to create a little family unit that promises to make each one of them a better man.
01 - Working for Caligula
Charlie Harper (series star CHARLIE SHEEN) is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Mercedes in the garage and an easy way with women. But his casual Malibu lifestyle was interrupted when his tightly wound brother, Alan (series star JON CRYER), and Alan's son, Jake (series star ANGUS T. JONES), came to stay with him. Complicating matters further are Charlie and Alan's narcissistic, emotionally toxic mother, Evelyn (series star HOLLAND TAYLOR); Alan's deeply neurotic ex-wife, Judith (series star MARIN HINKLE); Charlie's domineering, unapologetically blue-collar housekeeper, Berta (series star CONCHATA FERRELL); and Rose (recurring guest star MELANIE LYNSKEY), a brilliantly manipulative and vaguely crazy neighbor who had a brief fling with Charlie, remains obsessed with him and is determined to stay in his life by whatever means necessary. Despite the complexities of their lives and their own strained relationship, Charlie and Alan have one thing in common: They both love Jake and want what's best for him. As a result, they manage to create a little family unit that promises to make each of them a better man.
In the season premiere, Charlie deals with the immediate aftermath of his canceled wedding - and Alan's impulsive new marriage to 22-year-old Kandi (series star APRIL BOWLBY). Still in Las Vegas, Alan and his materialistic bride find out that Alan's lucky streak is not over when he wins $500,000 on one play of a slot machine. Four months later, Alan visits his brother's home to find that Charlie is taking full advantage of having the house all to himself. But Alan has some life-altering news to share: he's getting divorced.
02 - Who Is This Vod Kanockers?
Alan feels guilty when Charlie finally tells him why he broke up with Mia. The truth is that Charlie and Mia didn't get married because she had wanted Alan and Jake to move out. Meanwhile, problems arise when Charlie and his famous rock star neighbor, STEVEN TYLER (himself) of Aerosmith, don't get along.
03 - The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
Charlie attempts to surf in order to impress a beautiful girl--with disastrous results. Later, after nearly drowning, he tells Alan that when Charlie's life was hanging in the balance, the guys' deceased father appeared to him and made a request that Charlie is reluctant to fulfill.
04 - A Pot-Smokin' Monkey
Alan and Kandi become embroiled in an unconventional custody battle. Alan is determined to retain custody of his and Kandi's dog after Kandi walks away from their split with both the condominium and the car. Having also lost everything to Judith following their divorce, Alan decides to hire the best lawyer he knows - Judith's.
05 - A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Alan is overjoyed that he'll no longer owe Judith alimony when she marries her new fiancé, Herb (recurring guest star RYAN STILES - "The Drew Carey Show"). However, when Judith and Herb's marriage plans are threatened due to Jake's disdain for his soon-to-be stepfather, Alan enlists Charlie's help, and the guys bond with Herb in an effort to improve his relationship with Jake.
06 - Apologies for the Frivolity
Although Charlie doesn't get along with his sharp-tongued, passive-aggressive mother, he is strangely attracted to Lydia (recurring guest star KATHERINE LaNASA - "Justice"), a blonde high-end real estate agent - which is exactly what his mother is. Unfortunately, the similarities don't end there, and the relationship soon begins to seem a little too familiar for comfort.
07 - Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
When Berta swears vengeance on the married man who got her daughter, Naomi (recurring guest star SARA RUE), pregnant, she forces Charlie to come with her. Meanwhile, Naomi helps Berta with the housework. And Alan reveals an unusual fetish.
08 - Release the Dogs
Unable to sleep, Alan takes Charlie's suggestion and goes for a jog on the beach. After his run takes a disastrous turn, Alan turns to a psychiatrist in the hope that discovering the source of his insomnia will help alleviate it. Meanwhile, Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the hot mother of a classmate whom Jake likes.
09 - Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
During a double date, Charlie becomes annoyed with Alan for constantly borrowing money and promising to pay the tab "next time." When Alan leaves Charlie with the check after dinner, Charlie tries to beat him at his own game. Meanwhile, while the men are out, Jake gets to see what it's like to be home alone.
10 - Kissing Abe Lincoln
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend Lydia (recurring guest star KATHERINE LaNASA) and Berta as they fight for his allegiance, each thinking the other has crossed the line. Meanwhile, Alan wants to sell an overpriced condominium that he and Kandi bought when they were married, but Kandi uses her assets to distract him.
11 - Walnuts and Demerol
As Charlie prepares for a steamy Christmas Eve alone with his date, his friends and family keep dropping in - and staying - until Charlie finds himself hosting an unplanned, unwanted holiday party. Upon discovering whom Charlie's new girlfriend is, Evelyn inexplicably becomes desperate to break them up before they go too far in their relationship. SUSAN SULLIVAN ("Dharma & Greg") guest stars as Dorothy, the mother of Charlie's date. Recurring guest star RYAN STILES appears as Judith's fiancée, Herb.
12 - Castrating Sheep in Montana
When Berta discovers that Alan has been secretly dating her daughter, Naomi (recurring guest star SARA RUE), Alan expects trouble. But Berta's reaction is surprising - and much worse - than Alan could have imagined.
13 - Don't Worry Speed Racer
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and her fiancé, Herb (recurring guest star RYAN STILES), having sex, and he formulates a theory as to why his mom constantly gives Herb directions in bed. Meanwhile, Rose (recurring guest star MELANIE LYNSKEY) helps Charlie work through a disturbing repressed memory, triggered by Jake's revelation.
14 - That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
After getting to know Danielle (BROOKE SHIELDS - "Nip/Tuck," "Suddenly Susan"), the guys' hot new neighbor, Charlie discovers that she shares some common interests with Alan and proceeds - with ulterior motives - to set them up. But when things begin to heat up between Alan and Danielle, Charlie becomes jealous and attempts to sabotage the relationship.
15 - My Damn Stalker
When Rose announces that she is moving to London permanently, Charlie doesn't listen at first. But he eventually realizes that he must face his true feelings for her. Meanwhile, Alan tries online dating - with unforeseen results. After exaggerating while writing his profile on an internet dating service, Alan attracts a fellow profile embellisher, Beverly (ALLISON JANNEY - "The West Wing").
16 - Young People Have Phlegm Too
A sexy young girl whom Charlie has been dating cajoles him into going to a hot new club and bringing Alan along to meet her friend. But when they arrive, Charlie and Alan are mortified to learn that the partygoers consider them old. MORGAN FAIRCHILD ("Falcon Crest") guest stars as Donna, a more mature woman who helps rebuild Charlie's ego.
17 - I Merely Slept With A Commie
After Alan and Charlie tell Evelyn that none of her acquaintances will mourn her when she dies, she bitterly ignores them for a few weeks. The guys then discover that, instead of trying to be more pleasant to the people she knows, Evelyn has brought together a whole new group of "friends," including two men and a cute boy who seem suspiciously like adoring versions of Charlie, Alan and Jake. Meanwhile, Jake develops an interesting new way of speaking.
18 - It Never Rains in Hooterville
When Jake starts covering his walls with posters of sexy women, Alan realizes that his son is almost grown up. He makes a last-minute attempt at father-son bonding, wanting to make the most of what little childhood Jake has left. Meanwhile, Kandi embarks on a new career as an actress.
19 - Smooth as a Ken Doll
As Judith and Herb's (recurring guest star RYAN STILES) wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, Myra (recurring guest star JUDY GREER - "Arrested Development"). But Charlie's flirtation does not please Judith, who orders Alan to make Charlie stop pursuing Myra.
20 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
While Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, Charlie continues his fling with Herb's (recurring guest star RYAN STILES) sister, Myra (recurring guest star JUDY GREER). Besides Judith's disapproval of the relationship, Charlie gets a surprise from Myra after admitting that he truly likes her.
21 - Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
When Greg (MATT ROTH), a single father from Alan's support group who has been spending a lot of time with Alan, reveals that he is gay, Charlie suspects that Greg is attracted to Alan. Alan initially refuses to believe that his friendship with Greg is anything romantic, but he soon questions his own sexuality - as does Charlie. Meanwhile, Jake is too clueless to realize that Greg's young daughter is flirting with him.
22 - Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Jake experiences a windfall when Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan is stuck in a hellish Department of Motor Vehicles office. Series star JON CRYER made his directorial debut with the episode. JOEL MURRAY ("Dharma & Greg") guest stars as Petey.
23 - Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Charlie loses a woman he is dating to a young, handsome handyman, Fernando (Grammy Award-winning recording artist ENRIQUE IGLESIAS), who is working on Charlie's house. Meanwhile, to Alan's consternation - and no one's surprise - Jake finds out that he must attend summer school because of his poor grades.
24 - Prostitutes and Gelato
Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend, Teddy (ROBERT WAGNER - "Hart to Hart"), invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet. MIKE CONNORS ("Mannix") guest stars as Hugo.
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